I’m Surviving!

I’m two months into the new job and I haven’t died yet! You may think I’m kidding here or perhaps you think I’m exaggerating but I assure you…I’m not. I’m currently working two jobs, 50+ hours a week, I’m completing my last internship, I’m still enrolled in coursework, AND I’m trying to stay active. Oh yea and the kids are back in school……which means homework, chores, daycare, sports and much much more!

First day-o-school! Love the gym clothes 😉

To be honest I don’t feel like I’m managing all that well BUT I haven’t died yet! Obviously there is way too much going on for me to be decent at any of it! I find myself feeling incredibly anxious and like I’m failing at parenthood. I’m working 12 hour shifts which means a lot of late nights. It kills me when I get home and it’s 30 minutes to bed time. If it weren’t for my husband I really don’t know how I would make it. For the most part I’m taking it one day at a time and I’m counting down the days to graduation so that I can get back to my old life. The last few months have passed so painfully slow but so quickly at the same time. How strange is that?! My training is practically non-existent at this point. I find myself day dreaming about the days that I would wake up at 8 am and go for a brick workout in the park and enjoy the beauty of nature. All I see anymore is the inside of my car or my office. I manage to get about two workouts in a week maybe three of I’m lucky.

I guess I should be grateful for these days

For the most part I run or do some strength training when I can. I get the occasional indoor bike ride now that my bike is permanently placed in my dining room but it’s rare. Moving it was a desperate attempt to motivate myself and bring some light back into my life. (All it’s really done is depress me!) After a 12 hour work day all I can do is just stare at it from the couch, loathing my legs and body for being too tired to ride it. My daughter plays on it more that I do. Still, I’m grateful for the time I do get. I try so hard to make time for the beauty of nature and the serenity of endurance sports. I honestly believe if I didn’t swim, bike or run I would go insane!

Find beauty in life, it will bring you peace
Since I spend most of my time at work I do my best to have fun, I mean if I’m going to be a work-a-holic I might as well have fun right?!
I can hear my eye!

On the plus side, I have really been focusing on shorter workouts and as a result I’ve been doing a lot of speed work. I only have about an hour every few days to get a work with so I might as well maximize my time.

That’s a new PR Bay-bay!

On top of everything else I’m feeling sluggish and tired all the time. I’ve been gaining weight like crazy too! Most nights I eat when I get home 30 minutes before bedtime. It’s really starting to show…… around my midsection that is. I try to remind myself every day that this is only temporary. This is all just a means to end. One day I will have the time I need to train and see my kids for more than 30 minutes a day. I like to think of this time in my life as a metaphor for racing. Every race will feel long and tiring. There will be times when I forget why I’m doing this. My body will ache for relief and rest and I will feel like I can’t go on. All I have to remember is that the pain is only temporary. In the end the satisfaction of knowing I kept going will make it all worth while. I will be able to look back and say “I did that…and it was hard as hell!” That day will be worth it. All of this will be worth it. 
Hang in there friends! WE GOT THIS!

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